I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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