remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
