so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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