U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
