Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
