I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
