my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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