what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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