It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
