Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
