at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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