I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
