ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize