Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
