I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
