Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
