went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
