Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
