Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
