she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
