i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
