I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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