when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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