Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
