i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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