Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
