just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
