I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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