I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
