Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
