so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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