i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you made out with another girl for some wings
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
