im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
