Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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