i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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