We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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