i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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