I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
