Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
