she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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