if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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