On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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