Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize