Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
