I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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