so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize