haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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