I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
