Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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