i jhust puked up my retainher.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
