Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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