I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
