She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
