Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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