Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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