My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
