Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize