i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He felt like a one man threesome
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
