you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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