Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
